I loved Philip with My whole life. I was ready to do anything for him. Infact I felt like I loved him more than he did, but I didn’t mind; as far as he was there for me.
I met Philip when I was doing my NYSC in Markudi, Benue state, Nigeria.; he worked in the same company where I served in. He was the sweetest person I’d ever known.
Our meeting was coincidental, we bumped into each other just like the usual scenes in all these American movies. My files fell off my hands and before I could bend to get them, he stopped me and helped me to pick them up. Then he introduced himself to me but didn’t collect my number. I froze. He was the first guy not collecting my number; unlike other guys who wouldn’t let me rest. I became more interested in his weird personality. So, as he walked out through the door, I ran after him “excuse me, can I have your… oh…never mind” I came back to my senses and turned to walk away. What the heck was I doing?
But that same evening he texted and told me how he got my contact from someone in the company. I melted when I saw his text. Lover girl like me; I don’t know how the conversation lasted for hours, but I loved it and never wanted it to end; then he asked if I’d be free by weekend and that’s how the chapter opened. We hung out, had fun, paraded the streets like couples. Mehn, I’d never felt love in this way.
My previous boyfriend had been a nerd; his name was Okon. He was always reading; he feared that he would become less smart if he ever missed a day of opening his books. Of course I left him. I needed fun. Philip was the fun. The fun was philip.
Our relationship bloomed like a flower and by the time I was done with my service, we were already talking about marriage. He urged me to continue working in the company. He was ready to go the extra mile to see that I was retained. After much thought and consideration, I accepted; at least the monthly salary wasn’t bad; it was self sufficient.
One thing I loved about Philip was his voice. As a lady, you would turn on my interest button, if you had a good voice, and Philip did. My goodness, he sang like Lucifer. Whenever he annoyed me or we were experiencing down moments, he would begin to sing. Such melodious voice usually sent me to cloud 9. I loved it.
One day he took me to the beach. The last time I’d been to the beach was about three years ago. And for the whole time I knew Philip he never loved to see a stream, talk more of a beach. He was scared of water. “Philip why are you taking me to a beach?” I asked.
He only smiled. “Maybe I’ve finally decided to swim.
“Dey whyne yourself naw” I mocked him.
“You don’t belive me? Alright let’s watch and see”’ he said.
I didn’t know that he wanted to propose to me, in the eyes of his friends, colleagues and some relatives. It was a surprise, a big surprise. It ended in tears of joy. I accepted. I loved him; why should I reject him? I wanted him to be mine, I was happy to be called his own.
It was exactly nine months when Grace came. Our neighbors couldn’t help but celebrate with us. I can remember that evening when my mother called and was mocking me “can’t you guys wait ehn? Sharp sharp una don score goal”
I only laughed. What was she expecting us to do. Stay at a place as if we were logs of wood?
Anyways Immediately after the marriage, I started noticing changes in Philip. I was patient for as long as 5 months until I confirmed that he was actually changing. He rarely ate my food, he no more took calls in front of me, he became more aggressive; I felt like a nuisance to him; a thorn in his flesh.
I called my mum to inform her, but she said I shouldn’t worry, that sometimes it happens in men’s life. “No mummy, I feel something is wrong somewhere” I said.
“My daughter, just calm down; stop overthinking; he will change; relax, he will change” she said
But he didn’t change. He never changed. During the child naming ceremony, Philip arrived late; twenty minutes to the end of the program, he claimed to be very busy at work.
“Is that so?” I asked him with tears in my eyes.
The whole guests had been waiting for him; I had to keep explaining to them that he would come.
I left for my room in tears. But Philip came inside the room and started shouting at me for embarrassing him in front of everyone; he was just talking plenty. He even slapped me and nearly pushed the baby out of my hands. I wept and called my mum.
“Mummy I want to go, I can’t take it anymore!!” But she told me to calm down that she would call him.
That night he came back to beg for forgiveness, explaining to me that he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. I only turned to the other side of the bed and slept off; I wasn’t ready to listen to his lies. This was no longer the love I felt when I first met him.
I was still wallowing in pains and sorrow on why life had become unfair to me by changing Philip, when another shock came.
One day I went to the hospital for check up; I’d been feeling dizzy for the past three days and I couldn’t trace it to any ailment. Everything was new. So I dressed baby Grace up and walked down to the nearest hospital, 5km away.
“It’s Cancer. Blood Cancer” the doctor said.
And for five minutes the world seemed to spinning through my eyes. “Doctor what do you mean?” I asked. He was quiet and after few seconds he slowly repeated those words again.
“Mrs Benson you have cancer”.
He asked me if I could remember any relative who had similar health records. I told him that my mum had once told me of her father (my grandfather) having such. The doctor confirmed that I’d gotten this through family history and not externally.
“Am I going to die?” I asked.
He didn’t reply.
“Dr George, please am I going to die?”
He held my hands gently and looked me into the face. “If you trust me, I’ll make sure you don’t”. He said with so much vigor and determination.
I felt it, I felt a slight relief and ease from the tension that was already building up inside me. I only sobbed the more and held baby Grace tightly.
“How about your husband?” He asked.
I paused and looked at him. When I remembered that Philip wouldn’t care if I told him about the cancer which I had, nor would he care about what drugs I needed, to stay alive, I wiped my tears and responded firmly. “I don’t have one”
“Ah, okay, I’m really sorry about that, I asked because I saw a ring on your marriage finger and you came here with a baby”
“It’s ok doctor; I’m fine” I replied and I stood up to leave. “Please text me the prescription so that I can go get them from the pharmacy” I said to him, as I shut the door behind me.
That evening, he texted and apologized for intruding into my private affairs. “I only seek for the welfare of my patients and if I’ve done this wrongly, I’m sorry it won’t happen again” he said. Then he sent the prescription
That night I told Philip that I’d been diagnosed of blood cancer. He didn’t flinch. He only asked for his food and after eating he went to bed. “I’m tired, we’ll talk tomorrow”
The next morning he disappeared and I never saw him again. I’d woken up that morning to see Philip packing his things “Philip are you traveling? He shook his head and continued with what he was doing. He didn’t talk to me, he didn’t even raise the issue about my ailment. He just packed all his things into three of his boxes and went outside the house. A small truck came to pick him up and he left. No information. Nothing. He just left.
(Continued in part 2)